Rob Courtney Posted November 26, 2019 Report Share Posted November 26, 2019 Yeah, who knows where to put it but here it will be, beer and Alcohol jokes. I will start... A son says to his dad " hey dad, what is an alcoholic" The dad puts his arm around his son and says "well son, you see those four trees over there, an alcoholic would see eight trees" And the son says "but dad, there are only two trees there" 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darran Haynes Posted November 26, 2019 Report Share Posted November 26, 2019 Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?" Student: "A drinking problem." 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darran Haynes Posted December 8, 2019 Report Share Posted December 8, 2019 (edited) I was in a bar yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really loud, so I timed my farts with the beats. After a couple songs I started to feel better. I finished my beer and noticed that everybody was staring at me... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod Edited December 8, 2019 by Darran Haynes 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darran Haynes Posted December 8, 2019 Report Share Posted December 8, 2019 A guy stumbles through the front door of a bar, ambles up to the bartender and orders a beer. The bartender looks at the drunk man and says, ”I’m sorry sir, but I can’t serve you…you’ve already had too much to drink.” The guy swears and walks out of the bar. Five minutes later the guy comes flying through the side door of the bar, and yells for a beer. Again the bartender says, ”I’m sorry, sir…but I can’t serve you…you’ve already had too much to drink!” Ten minutes later, the same guy comes barrel-assing through the back door of the bar, storms up to the bartender, and demands a beer. Again, the bartender says to the man… ”I’m really sorry, sir, but you’ve had too much to drink…you’re going to have to leave!” The guy looks quizzically at the bartender and says finally, “My God, man… How many bars do you work at?!” 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Courtney Posted December 8, 2019 Author Report Share Posted December 8, 2019 It takes me five minutes to walk to the local pub and 25 mins to walk back from it The difference is staggering 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Courtney Posted December 31, 2019 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2019 When The Hulk goes off into a vicious rage and destroys everything, he's "Incredible." But when I do it, I'm "an alcoholic." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain 3 Droids Posted December 31, 2019 Report Share Posted December 31, 2019 When Superman goes from A to B he’s “faster than a speeding bullet”, when I do it it’s “you finished already” 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Courtney Posted April 22, 2020 Author Report Share Posted April 22, 2020 My girlfriend told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I thought, That's great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Courtney Posted June 1, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2020 Tell a woman she is beautiful a thousand times and she'll never remember Tell her she's fat once and she'll never forget That's because Elephants never forget 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Courtney Posted April 8, 2021 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2021 I've just tried Kangaroo beer...you can really taste the hops... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain 3 Droids Posted April 9, 2021 Report Share Posted April 9, 2021 11 hours ago, Rob Courtney said: I've just tried Kangaroo beer...you can really taste the hops... Is there any hope? ☺️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eltham Brauhaus Posted May 4, 2021 Report Share Posted May 4, 2021 On 09/04/2021 at 10:32 AM, Captain 3 Droids said: Is there any hope? ☺️ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain 3 Droids Posted December 20, 2021 Report Share Posted December 20, 2021 Wife said to me “ do you love the Droids more than me” I said “can you make beer” The wife said “#$*@, ‘ :*#$&*…………… I didn’t know she spoke two languages. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Courtney Posted January 5, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2022 Today I celebrated my 365th day sober It has only taken me 27 years but it is still pretty good 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Courtney Posted December 9, 2022 Author Report Share Posted December 9, 2022 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J P Posted December 11, 2022 Report Share Posted December 11, 2022 On 9/12/2022 at 8:01 PM, Rob Courtney said: Not funny when it’s true 🤣 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Courtney Posted December 25, 2022 Author Report Share Posted December 25, 2022 On 12/12/2022 at 12:22 AM, J P said: Not funny when it’s true 🤣 My fresh wort went to 11 days...I was trying to be grown up about it but there is a nagging thought at the back of your mind. Still one droid went over today so the second one should be tomorrow Should 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J P Posted December 29, 2022 Report Share Posted December 29, 2022 On 25/12/2022 at 9:45 PM, Rob Courtney said: My fresh wort went to 11 days...I was trying to be grown up about it but there is a nagging thought at the back of your mind. Still one droid went over today so the second one should be tomorrow Should Are you OK, Rob? I know the feeling. One of my droids kept ticking along for 12 days while the other droid on same batch was done and dusted. Funny how an infection seems to throw the droids EOF off scent… no science there either. Just an impression… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Courtney Posted December 30, 2022 Author Report Share Posted December 30, 2022 12 hours ago, J P said: Are you OK, Rob? I know the feeling. One of my droids kept ticking along for 12 days while the other droid on same batch was done and dusted. Funny how an infection seems to throw the droids EOF off scent… no science there either. Just an impression… There was that nagging thought in the back of my head that it wouldn't get to EOF and there was $50 down the drain. What I did do though was hop one for two days and the other for 5 to see what difference, if any that would make. I reckon you are right though on the above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Gyldenvand Posted January 1, 2023 Report Share Posted January 1, 2023 A boy scout, a rabbi, and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Courtney Posted January 13, 2023 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2023 I really don't know if this is appropriate but Years ago, when I was in school, I had sex education. The teacher walked into the class with a banana in his hand and said "children, today I will teach you how to roll on a condom correctly, but first I need to eat this banana because I can't get an erection on an empty stomach". 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thagomizer Posted January 14, 2023 Report Share Posted January 14, 2023 Two guys were fishing from a boat in a pond. One of them saw a floating bottle and picked it up. When he pulled out the cork a genie emerged from the bottle. "Oh, thank you, thank you," said the genie. "I've been trapped in that bottle for years. I'm going to grant you one wish as a reward for releasing me." One of the men said, "Can you change all the water in this pond to Beer?" "You've got it." said the genie as he vanished. Both of the men dipped their cups into the pond for a taste. Sure enough, it was an excellent Belgian style lager. The second man said, "Way to go, big guy! You realize that from now on we have to pee into the boat?" 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Gyldenvand Posted January 27, 2023 Report Share Posted January 27, 2023 A woman answers a knock at her door, to find two men standing there who work with her husband at the local brewery. "I'm sorry to have to tell you, Mrs. Sullivan," says one man, "that your husband passed away at work today, drowned in a vat of beer." "Oh, my dear Michael!" she wails, "He didn't stand a chance!" "Well, Ma'am," says the other fellow, "that's not exactly the case. You see, he got out three times to have a p*ss." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Courtney Posted January 28, 2023 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2023 Dung beetle walks into a bar and says " Is that stool taken"? 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thagomizer Posted January 30, 2023 Report Share Posted January 30, 2023 On 28/01/2023 at 1:52 AM, Rob Courtney said: Dung beetle walks into a bar and says " Is that stool taken"? Quoting the Captain: "Is there any hope?" 😀 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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